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Joke of the Day

"They say that trains are full of weird people... ...but I don't think that's true. I've never met a weird person on a train, and I talk to *everyone.*"

"Dad, how could you? I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there."

"What did Bruce Lee say about NASA'S discovery WA-TAH!"

"What's the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday."

"You've got to be careful once you start cooking with Crisco. It's a slippery slope."

"My GF spent $49 on a haircut. Had she gone to Petsmart she'd have gotten an ear cleaning, anal gland extraction and a free bandana as well."

"Why do virgins never stand still? They are used to being chaste."

"What kind of money do monsters use? Weirdo (weird dough)."

"Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were."

"How do German bread greet each other? Gluten tag!"