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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend came out of the shower and said ""I shaved down there, you know what that means?"" I said, ""Yeah the f*cking drain is clogged again."""

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"What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven."
"Argentina is surprisingly cold. In fact it's bordering on Chile."
"What charity has PETA beat in terms of death rate? The Make a Wish Foundation."
"I tried to catch some fog once... ...mist."
"If I had a nickel for every time I got distracted... I'm in the mood for some ice cream."
"A sloth was robbed by 2 turtles Sloth robbed by 2 turtles. Cop asks if he could describe the assailants. Sloth replies, ""It all happened so fast."""
"*Pays $450 for ticket to hockey game. *spends the whole game on iPhone."
"That awkward moment... ...when the woman you're dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, then you realise she just lost an earring...and that no one else in Starbucks can hear your iPod."
"What's the Ethiopian national dish? Empty."