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Joke of the Day

"Haha, murder? No officer, I just wanted to see what would happen if I planted a human"

"How many Dallas Cowboys fans does it take to change a lightbulb? They don't. They just talk about when it did work."

"Two whales are sitting at a bar. One of them suddenly says: ""Mmmwaaaaaaaooooomm!"" The second whale looks over and and says: ""Dude, you're really drunk."""

"Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver? She was a woman."

"I'm going to the grocery store where I'll try to get the cashier to call 911 based only on the items I'm purchasing."

"Hot chick at the bar just said that she's gonna do something stupid tonight... ...I informed her that I only had a 1.75 GPA in high school."

"The wife convinced me into taking her to Hawaii if she lost 20 pounds. You'd be surprised how many M&M's someone can swallow in their sleep."

"What did Mary say the first time she changed Jesus' diaper? Holy shit."

"Why were the treefrog's stories always so attention grabbing? Because he was absolutely ribbeting!"

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