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Joke of the Day

"1day I'll be thankful my daughter is an independent iron willed human w/an unrelenting strong voice,but not today, not in this grocery store"

"I hate when I'm singing along to the Beastie Boys and they mess up the lyrics."

"A step-by-step guide on how to parallel park! 1) Park somewhere else."

"I'm so depressed, Radiohead is cheering me up."

"At the pharmacy I asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around, looked them straight in the eyes and said, ""Make that 52."""

"Tight pants are like a cheap hotel... No ball room"

"What if soy milk... ...is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?"

"55 in a 25 and let's just say I wasn't referring to my driving."

"*wakes up to wife and son screaming* me: What are you guys yelling about? them: YOU'RE DRIVING"

"What do you call a pickle on sale? A sweet Dill."