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Joke of the Day
"This Halloween, I put a potato in my pants and ordered people around. I was a dictator."
Next Joke
"Because im a bad ass! Why did I put the punchline up there?"
"""Dress for the job you want,"" they said. Apparently pornstar wasn't a valid option."
"how much morning wood, would my girlfriend suck, if she ever sucked and if I had a girlfriend. Whatever."
"The scariest moment in any man's life is when his wife stops talking and it's his turn to say something in a conversation he's been ignoring"
"Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?"
"i hate it when people don't know the difference between ur and u'r"
"Why do robots never cuddle after sex? Because all a robot does is nuts and bolts."
"Did the bionic monster have a brother ? No but he had lots of trans-sisters!"
"The east coast is experiencing a ""Snowpocalypse"" or as Canada calls it ""Monday"""