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Joke of the Day

"When I get calls from unknown numbers I panic, decline and then wait for the voicemail like I'm about to be murdered."

"A lot of people think boogers are funny But they're snot."

"Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!"

"I tried to jerk off with toothpaste last night... it hurt so I had to quit, but I can perform auto-fellatio, so at least I have fresh breath."

"It's no superpower but I'm pretty good at winding down my car window without moving my arm so it looks like I have power windows."

"I tried to make a joke about cults... But the punchline was too long."

"What's the difference between a hippy and a hockey player? The hockey player takes a shower after three periods."

"If someone honks at you in traffic, honk back and yell ""HEY, OUR CARS ARE TALKING!"""

"You know what the first sign of AIDS is, right? A severe pounding in the ass..."

"I took a girl back to my flat. ""You haven't removed many bras have you?"" she sighed. ""What gave it away?"" ""The scissors, mainly."""