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Joke of the Day

"*whispering to my newborn son* weed is tight. im siked for u to try it son. im so excited for you. i love you"

"I love how, in the year 2010, TV news channels still use a background graphic of a reel-to-reel tape player when they play 911 recordings."

"procrastinator's club .... ... meets tomorrow"

"Before there was roofies, a caveman would just club a bitch and take her home. That's why they call the hook up spot ""The Club"""

"Did you hear about the vampire in Camelot? He was a bite of the Round Table!"

"What did the booger say to the finger? Pick on someone your own size."

"When I change my son I don't use diaper cream, I use anti-wrinkle cream. He'll thank me as an adult with the smoothest balls in history."

"Person 1: It must be terrible for an opera singer to realize that he can never sing again. Person 2: Yes but it's much more terrible if he doesn't realize it."

"Me:I need to focus on work Brain: Remember that sweet song on the radio this morning? Me:Yeah that was sweet Brain: Let's sing that instead"

"How is the Easter Bunny like Shaquille O'Neal? They're both famous for stuffing baskets!"