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Joke of the Day

"A man comes home to his wife ""honey,"" he says, ""pack your bags. I just won the lottery!"" ""That's amazing! What should I pack?"" ""I don't care. Just pack your bags and get the fuck out of here."""

"Why should you only invite gas molecules to your house when they have negligible intermolecular forces between them? Because they're the ideal gas."

"If you look in your bathroom mirror & say ""Donald Trump"" 3 times, the hair in your shower drain rises up & starts yelling racist slurs."

"What do you tell a woman with no arms or legs? Nice tits."

"Have you ever had sex on a campground? It's fucking in tents."

"Did you guys hear about the man with the wooden leg named Smith? I don't think he named is other leg..."

"Very tired of the NSA reading my tweets and not retweeting them."

"At my daughter's dance recital. Wait. I don't have any kids. I'm leaving. These girls suck at ballet."

"Rob Riggle has to move to a new city, where does he live? [POWlo Alto](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKCL_ToOook)"

"What do you call it when a story has a recurring train theme? A Loco Motif"