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Joke of the Day

"[cop car] Buzzfeed Guy: It's okay I work for Buzzfeed Cop: You robbed 10 banks Buzzfeed Guy: You wouldn't believe how much I got from #6!"

"Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don't have elevator jobs? A: Cos they've no idea of the route."

"My friend tried to annoy me with bird puns But he didn't know toucan play that game."

"When jogging, if i get tired, I insult the people i pass in my head & then imagine having to get away as they chase me..."

"Stephen Hawking says we've got about 1,000 years to find a new place to live. That isn't even enough time for my girlfriend to pack."

"????My lactose-free, gluten-free, wheat-free, carb-free, nut-free, fat-free milkshake, brings all the weirdos to the yard...????"

"I saw an American Bridge player crying last night She said she bid 4 No Trump"

"[giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda"

"I'm saving myself for marriage. Sorry, FROM. Saving myself FROM marriage."

"I drink black coffee Because I'm not racist."