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Joke of the Day

"The Fountain of Youth has been discovered but it's in Flint, MI, so I wouldn't drink from it."

"First time having sex was like my first time riding a bike My dad was holding me from behind."

"Falling from a Window by Eileen Dowt"

"Travel Agent: Hello sir! Interested in a vacation? Me: *puts cat on the phone* [20 mins later] Travel Agent: I've got you booked for Maui"

"The circles under my eyes are so dark, Animal Planet is following me around filming a documentary about a raccoon out of its natural habitat"

"A. Schwarzenegger has it long, Brad Pitt short, Madonna does not have it and the Pope does not use it. What is it? A surname."

"Why do Nuns always wear the same thing? It's a habit."

"I needed to go to the toilet but we were out of toilet roll So I pissed in the sink"

"Whats the difference between an onion and a hooker? I dont cry when I cut up a hooker"

"That's it! No more dick jokes! I'm only doing jokes about intellectual topics, like finance! Today the Vietnamese Dong remained firm against the Zambian Kwacha."