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Joke of the Day

"Dinosaurs naming their non-hetero children. What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalotopuss."

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. But only if the light bulb really wants to change."

"Why did the bear faint upon seeing his friend eat a donut? He thought his friend was eating his own claw. In reality he was just eating a bear claw donut. D'oh!"

"[During Interview] ""Do you have any questions?"" - Yeah, inTitanic why did Jack sink when he died but everyone else floated?"

"Them: Can you describe yourself in five words? Me: Stay at home couch accessory."

"Her: Hi, I'm Jane Me: I'm Christopher, but everyone calls me Dick for short. Her: How do you get Dick from Christopher? Me: You Ask nicely."

"If you see a dentist get shot and hes bleeding out, just casually mention how he needs to floss more so he doesnt bleed out like that"

"Friend: All I want for Christmas is a new blender Me: Wouldn't you rather have your life together?"

"Yesterday my girlfriend started to smoke... So I slowed down and added some lube."

"What does a dog become after it 6 years old? Seven years old."