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Joke of the Day

"Being fat is just a giant trophy for all of the awesome food you ate."

"You think you have your anger issues under control until someone starts telling an important story while they're chewing"

"What do you call 2 crackers arguing? White noise."

"I was suppose to write a sodium joke... But Na"

"[in church] ""And Jesus, our saviour, died on the cross for your sins."" [vicar points directly at me & entire congregation collectively nods]"

"If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your ass."

"I hate it when I have lots of visitors but only enough chloroform for one and have to use it on myself."

"So Trump says he picked a bunch of great people to run the government... But honestly, I've seen better cabinets at IKEA."

"I hope Elon Musk never gets in a scandal Because Elongate would be really drawn out."

"My mate keeps having sex with Nuns. I did warn him not to get in the habit."