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Joke of the Day

"when she gives me her autograph I love it when she signs the restraining order without dotting the i with a heart, playing hard to get I see!"

"Why do hippies like corduroy? Because the material is so groovy."

"How is sex like putting on a belt? If it's not tight enough, move on to the next hole."

"The girl on the stripper pole got mad because I gave her a monopoly dollar, well fake boobs, fake hair, fake nails gets fake dollars!"

"What does a gay man and a rhubarb have in common? It's not right to call them a fruit."

"Taco Bell is planning on doubling the 'meat' in their ingredients. Unlike Cadbury, they're informing us in advance."

"GUY FIERI: ""Just saying, I'm open all week if anybody requests me."" MAKE-A-WISH FOUNDATION OPERATOR: ""Stop fucking calling."""

"If Donald Trump was elected president... Instead of saying ""You're fired."" He'd say ""You're deported."""

"Why do grocery stores double-bag everything? Like why don't you just make bags that are twice as strong?"

"A car salesman says to me... ""Buy this car and pay no interest for a year!"" ""That's stupid"". I said, ""why the hell would I buy something that I'm not going to be interested in for an entire year?!"""