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Joke of the Day

"The girl on the stripper pole got mad because I gave her a monopoly dollar, well fake boobs, fake hair, fake nails gets fake dollars!"

"What did the suicide bomber ask his son? ""What do you want to be when you blow up?"""

"Difference between a dead squirrel and a dead drummer in the road? http://imgur.com/PKibj The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig."

"How does a jew make coffee? Hebrews it"

"How do you make a car top? You gotta 'tep on the brake 'tupid!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Cat ! Cat who ? Cat you understand !"

"ME: [sees old friend with new wife] Hey congrats on the wedding! Where did you marry? HIM: Maui ME: Oh, sowwy! Where did you mawwy her?"

"Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better."

"[job interview] ""I'll never hire you"" ME: [swordfighting a field mouse] Is it cuz I'm swordf- NO IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE LOSING TO A FIELD MOUSE"

"I don't think I'd be as calm as Billy Joel was in that song if an old man was sitting next to me making love to his tonic and gin."