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Joke of the Day

"Taco Bell manager: I'm sorry, you didn't get the job. It's your drug test Me: so you mean... Manager: yes, you passed. Get high & re-apply"

"I'll never understand women. A species that loathes you for asking their age, but tortures you forever if you forget their birthday."

"Sometimes I feel like a man trapped in a woman's marriage."

"Man.. These croutons are the best thing since dried bread!"

"Mom u can stop cutting the crust off my bread now im in a gang"

"If the shoe fits, wear it... Unless you found it near a bouncy castle, you creep."

"Getting colagen injections in my lips next week 'cause, you know, 'tis the season to be Jolie."

"Grandpa looks at his grandson and says, ""Go hide! Your teacher is here because you skipped school today."" The grandson says, ""No, you go hide. I told her you were dead!"""

"My friends were disappointed that I decided to stay home after work instead of going out with them... I said, ""Yea, I'm really into resting, aren't I ? """

"It's hard to fall asleep because I don't trust myself to not die."