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Joke of the Day

"What are the cheapest kind of nuts? Deer nuts, they're under a buck."

"Ask me if I'm a snail! No. This joke works much better if you say it to the other person like they're an idiot for asking."

"My Sister is naming her baby Nevaeh because it's Heaven spelled backwards. I said, just name her what she's going to end up being. Tulsa."

"I didn't know that numbers were Irish until I started telling time."

"A DEER IN THE WOODS. A little sweet old lady, told me this one. Question: What did they Deer say when she came out of the woods?\ Answer: ""I will never do that again for 2 bucks?"" My reply: Ha Ha! :)"

"What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises."

"My mate asked me why I had sex noises saved on my iPod... I said, ""It's for sound effects during sex"". He asked, ""Ah, is the wife a bit quiet in the bedroom?"" ""No,"" I replied, ""I work in a morgue."""

"How can you tell if there is an elephant in your dessert ? You get very lumpy ice cream !"

"My pot accidentally got mixed in with my pasta noodles. Ended up with baked ziti."

"Did you hear about the guy who tried to have sex with an acorn? He was fucking nuts."