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Joke of the Day

"Make sure to dress extra provocative if you ever find yourself in a 5th attempt to overturn a criminal conviction You'll definitely need that six appeal."

"I'm going to Bangalore to open a second hand clothing store. And I'm gonna call it ""Who's Sari Now."""

"If The Lego Movie is about anything other than parents walking around and cursing after stepping on Legos, it's not based on a true story."

"My neighbors thought the tombstones in my yard were festive until they saw their pets' names scrawled on them."

"Starbucks job interview: ""What's your name?"" ""Alyssa"" ""Spell that please"" ""L A R I S S A"" ""When can you start?"""

"Me: Most of all, remember to be kind to yourself. You deserve it. Neighbor: If you don't stay out of my heating duct I'm calling the cops."

"What do you call a sexually-confused Arctic Circle? Bi-polar"

"Are you hot, dawg? Funniest dog joke I tell my pet beagle every hot afternoon. He laughs everytime."

"I've come to the realisation that tofu is over rated- It's just a curd to me."

"How did the terrorist get into Czechoslovakia? They didn't czech his papers."