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Joke of the Day

"Why did the comedian say he preferred his hamburger on a croissant roll? ""Because,"" he said, ""the bun is the lowest form of pastry."""

"[on phone with debit fraud] Bank guy: Sir do you shop on line at all Me: DUDE IT'S 2017 WE BUY TOILET PAPER ONLINE BG: M: Sometimes. Yes"

"[confession booth] me: *sneezes* priest: I'm not falling for that one again dan"

"You ever notice how many narcissistic pirates there are? Everyone I meet won't stop saying Aye!"

"A man went to the register with only a box of condoms. The cashier asked 'Sir, do you want a bag?' He replied 'No thanks, she's not that ugly'"

"If you arrive fashionably late in crocs... You're just late"

"I'm not looking at your ass, I'm admiring your back pocket."

"I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist."

"How can you tell if Lady Gaga is dead? Po-po-po-po-po-po-poke-her-face"

"Do you guys remember Helen Keller jokes? What's your favorite one? I'll go. Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? She's a woman."