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Joke of the Day

"It's all fun and games until you notice the *rocket* in your nephew's Lego launchpad came from the drawer in your nightstand."

Next Joke
 
"Tower: Hawk 20 is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hours ago ? Pilot: Negativ Sir. It's only the same pilot."
"It's not funny when a First Lady runs for President. It's Hillary-ous."
"So there was a pediatrist... no, wait a doct- a... Gynecologist *that's it!* Anyway... I walk in and... ""Sorry, I fucked up the delivery everybody. Also, your baby is dead."""
"I accidentally started this account when I was looking for a banana bread recipe and things have gone horribly wrong."
"Wanted: Personal psychic for wealthy client. Salary: $10,000 per week plus bonuses. Free accommodation. 10 weeks paid leave per year. Company car. Generous pension scheme. You know where to apply."
"This could just be the coffee talking but AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *lights car on fire*"
"""People want to drink a panic attack."" -- inventor of 5 Hour Energy"
"TV playback craziness [Through the eyes of Adrienne Hedger](https://www.facebook.com/HedgerHumor/photos/pb.630201143662377.-2207520000.1443863939./1179935295355623/?type=3&theater). :)"
"How do you put a baby to sleep? You rock them. What if it doesn't work? Use a bigger rock."