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Joke of the Day

"Wanted: Personal psychic for wealthy client. Salary: $10,000 per week plus bonuses. Free accommodation. 10 weeks paid leave per year. Company car. Generous pension scheme. You know where to apply."

"The bartender says ""I'm sorry, we don't serve faster-than-light particles here."" A tachyon walks into a bar."

"I had a date last night. Such an underrated fruit."

"What's the difference between a rooster and a hooker? [NSFW] The rooster says Cock-a-doodle-do, and the hooker says Any cock will do!"

"I never thought that eating a bowl of Alphabet Soup could help me overcome constipation. But here I am, in the loo, having a massive vowel movement."

"Q: What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow? A: Spoiled Milk."

"Buy a boat, name it Relation. Now you can tell people that you have a relationship."

"ME: I have chronic pain. It flares up whenever someone challenges my beliefs FRIEND: That's not really how chronic pain works ME: ow owwww"

"What did the apathetic philosopher doctor say? Who cures?"

"My girlfriend broke up with me because I supposedly"" take things too far"" So I called the police."