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Joke of the Day

"Being a parent is the opposite of the Jenny Craig diet. ""I gained 20lbs & all I did was eat small portions of my toddlers leftover dinner."""

"Which scientist invented the nuclear powered floor cleaner? J. Robert Moppenheimer"

"*At the ouija board* Me: Err... mom? Can't we just... Ouija board: A-N-D A-N-O-T-H-E-R T-H-I-N-G"

"Why is Santa always so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live. You've probably heard this one before. But it's Christmas tomorrow so what the hell."

"A man in the restroom today almost pissed on my pants from the next urinal over. I yelled at him and he said ""It's alright man. Wouldn't you rather be pissed off than pissed on?"""

"I really just don't like any of these fancy and stinky cheeses. Maybe I'm just uncultured."

"A thousand millibar go into a bar... ..."

"Daddy what is a transvestite? Ask your mother, he knows it."

"Sex! Of course you don't get it."

"You had me until the final shot, local commercial. An employee in the back row didn't wave hard enough. No sale."