129284

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the short psychic who escaped prison? He's a small medium at large"

"What do womens' breasts & toy trains have in common? There're intended for children, but it's the fathers that wind up playing with them."

"What's a thesaurus's favorite cereal? Synonym Toast Crunch"

"My roommate broke my favorite Russell Crowe dvd, and she was eaten by a crocodile shortly after. I'm actually kinda Gladiator."

"Why are knives always the funniest students at utensil school? Because they're the class cut-ups."

"My friend had his assignment on plagiarism stolen so he copied mine. He then proceeded to take a course on Nihilism but it ended up not having a meaningful impact on his transcript."

"A plant fell on my head... I'm alright though, it was no big dill."

"My wife was in jail, so I decided to go for the conjugal visit, which caused her parents to start freaking out... Best game of Monopoly ever!"

"Me: How are you doing? Is our date starting to feel a bit awkward? Her: Yeah, a little... Me: I was talking to my mom! Mom: No, I'm fine."

"What illness are you suffering from if you keep seeing cartoon animals who talk? Disney spells."