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Joke of the Day

"Held a newborn baby, was asked if I wanted one. Laughed & laughed all the way to the bar, where I can go because I don't have a baby. So no."

"What's the best way to pick up a woman? Like a sixpack"

"Life is stupid. You can ACCIDENTALLY make a baby but you can't ACCIDENTALLY make a cake."

"Ever since I took geometry at school, my life has turned around 360 degrees."

"My talking dog gave me a stick the other day and told me he found it 600 miles away. That's a bit far-fetched"

"What did one earring say to the other? You go on a head, i'll just hang round 'ere"

"Two men walk into a bar... ... but a third man ducks."

"I asked the cashier for a kitkat chunky She turned around and selected a kitkat chunky from the shelf and then handed it to me. I replied: ""I wanted a regular kitkat you fat bitch."""

"Why do presidents have unsatisfied wives? It takes four years to get an election."

"A woman flashed her tits at me today.... I just sat there and giggled like a school boy. Then she said to me "" will you stop mucking around and check this lump, doctor."""