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Joke of the Day

"What do you call someone aroused by shopping? A buysexual"

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One's a scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and the other's a fish."

"When a wife is laughing at her husband's jokes, it means they have guests at home."

"What do u call an anorexic women with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with cheese."

"Cop: anything in your pockets that might hurt me? ""Nah"" *cop pulls out a pic of his ex GF and suspect* Cop: *wiping tears* I'm over it"

"""Fuller House"" was billed on a misleading premise. There wasn't a single geodesic dome to be seen."

"I'm writing some BSDM-themed LEGO fan-fiction. I hope to release it later as ""50 blocks of pain"""

"Every time I think I've got the perfect family they escape."

"My daughter said she wants to run away. We talked. She knows she can walk. I wont chase her."

"How stupid of the elevator manufacturers they have buttons for the floor I am already on *I will show myself out now"