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Joke of the Day

"Me: It's late. I guess I'll go to bed. -My brain, who up until now has always been the logical one ""Let's put up a tent in the living room"""

"what is a vegetable's favorite singer? elvis parsley what is a fly's favorite singer? gnat king cole"

"I've waited all year to post this this"

"A Conductor ... What do you call a part time conductor ?? . . . a *semiconductor*"

"I was cured of lycanthropy. Now I'm a were-wolf."

"Did you hear about the guy who opened a cheese store in Israel? He called it ""Cheeses of Nazareth""."

"Doctors who wear scrubs infuriate me. You put on a goddamn suit and tie or a ball gown before you handle me, you slob."

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because, he ate the pizza before it was cool."

"When I see someone has 1,500 followers on twitter, I think ""that person must b funny"". 1,500 friends on FB ""that person is batshit crazy"""

"What do you call a Social Justice Warrior in a society of strippers? The thot police! ^^^^PleaseDon'tBeTooHardOnMe."