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Joke of the Day

"GUY 1: a bee flew in my eye GUY 2: I just ate a bird GUY IN BACK: I can't hear u TOGETHER: there must be a better way NARRATOR: windshields"

"So my girlfriend told me her dog ate some tampons... I told her to call the vet, maybe they can pull some strings."

"HER: I'm leaving you ME: But why? HER: There's just no chemistry between us anymore CHEMISTRY: Wow, I'm like right here"

"A son runs up to his dad Son: Dad, I'm gay! Dad: Son, I fucked your mother. Son: ... Dad: ... Son: What the fuck? Dad: What? I thought we were saying things that were obvious."

"conjunctivitis.com... ... It's a site for sore eyes."

"Q: How does a pair of pants feel when it is ironed? A: Depressed."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One to do it before it gets cool, and one to talk about how much better the old one used to be."

"Do you have oxygen and potassium? Because you seem OK. I'm not sorry"

"Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant: It's already raining. Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go."

"Describe yourself in three words. Lazy."