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Joke of the Day

"A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on."

"You know why the Baptists don't make love standing up? They don't want people to think they're dancing. Not my joke cheech marins I'm high as Fuck and thought you guys might like it too."

"What kind of transportation does the Pope take? Mass transit."

"I have a huge clock. Some would even say it's pendulous."

"My wife has a colostomy I get a little action on the side"

"No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president."

"My superpower is making red lights turn green simply by trying to write a tweet."

"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."

"A British man is visiting Australia. The man at customs asks him ""Do you have a criminal record?"" The British man replies ""I didn't think you'd need one to get into Australia any more."""

"*ex GF pulls up to drive thru where I work* ""Big mac please"" ""Would u like LIES with that?!"" *my boss dragging me away* ""LIES, LUCY.. LIES!"""