128449

Joke of the Day

"I couldn't finish my dinner , so the waitress asked me: ""do you wana box for that ?"" I responded "" no , but i'll arm wrestle you for it """

"Bread is not emotionally mature enough to have threesomes When you spread your nuts all over one slice, the other gets jelly."

"How come Smokey the Bear doesn't have any children? Every time his wife gets hot he beats her with a shovel."

"[whole foods] WHITE GIRL: excus me do u hav pumpkin EMPLOYEE: (hands her a pumpkin) here WHITE GIRL: no no no. PUMPKIN. its a type of spice"

"American beer is like making love in a canoe it's fucking close to water *Monty Python, Live at the Hollywood Bowl*"

"Why was the pencil in the toilet? It was a No. 2."

"Me: how old is your daughter? Person: she's 31 months Me: ok but like how old in minutes?"

"And then God said, ""Let there be Black Friday."" and he saw that it was a terrible idea but it was too late cuz people were already in line."

"Golfer: ""Caddy do you think my game is improving?"" Caddy: ""Oh yes sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to."""

"Dad: Did you get gas? Me: Ya i got it on the way home from school Dad: Well if you got gas than you better go to the bathroom!"