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Joke of the Day

"When we were vacationing in New Zealand, I bought myself a back-scratcher made from a Kangaroo claw. ... ... The only downside is when I use it on myself, I end up feeling jumpy the rest of the day."

"I once illegally parked my vechile at a Foot Fetishists Convention to grab some good next door My vehicle got toed."

"Doctor: You have two months to live. Patient: But doctor, I won't be able to pay your bill in that time! Doctor: Ok, you have three months to live."

"When I steal a sweater it's called theft but when a girl does it, it's a sign of affection"

"It's 2011. If you're still using a payphone, you probably deserve to be negotiating some sort of ransom."

"Why are Redditors so good at fencing? Because they always riposte."

"Three old men are walking down the street... The first old man says ""Hey, it's Windy"" The second old man says ""No, Thursday"" The third one says ""I agree, lets go get a beer"""

"What do you call the cook on a Soviet battleship? The khrushchev"

"[On phone to police] Has there been a report of a pervert in the park? P: No, there hasn't. Me: oh good. [Goes back to hiding in bushes]"

"The Michelin Man is the most racist mascot in corporate history, because TIRES ARE BLACK."