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Joke of the Day

"Why do Jews try avoiding Jewpiter? Because its a gas planet! Its also why Hitlers gas bills were so high. *i intentionally said Jewpiter instead of Jupiter*"

"I have not ate, drink, slept, used the bathroom, or showered since last year. I have also not told this joke since last year."

"How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, or two? One .... or two?"

"What I say: Get dressed Brush teeth Get in the car What my kids hear: Have a snack Shriek like monkeys Open 3 umbrellas indoors Go poop"

"Knock-knock. (""Who's there?"") Control freak. Now say ""Control freak who?"""

"I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven't gone to a gig yet."

"Dress for the job you want others to think you have."

" Why did the snowman smile? Because the snowblower is coming."

"I wanna be the reason you're comfortable with your prostate examination"

"...: who do you listen to more? Mummy or daddy? 5y: mummy ...: why? 5y: mummy talks more"