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Joke of the Day

"Jesus, take the wheel Carlos, take the stereo"

"I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice. You don't want justice - you want mercy !"

"Donald Trump's Best Friend Donald Trump was talking about his best friend, ""Eugene Wall."" He said that he liked to call him ""Euge"" for short."

"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? (slightly NSFW) A pickpocket snatches watches."

"My son can only see in shades of beige, Doctors have diagnosed him with colour-blandness."

"When I refer to old relatives passing away I never say ""RIP"" because I don't wants them to rest. I want them to Zumba."

"We have a local weatherman who often forecasts ""changeable skies."" He makes a lot of money to make that call."

"I cheated on my girlfriend yesterday We were playing Monopoly, she left and I stole some money from the bank. Then I went upstairs and fucked her sister."

"What caused The Black Death? The police."

"Just played the new Hillary Presidency Simulator I don't know why it's called Fallout 4 though."