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Joke of the Day

"What does a Thesaurus eat for breakfast? A Synonym Roll."

"A fob told me something the other day"

"I tried wrapping all the presents this year But I just don't have the gift."

"When is the water in the shower room musical? When it's piping hot."

"Relationships are all about finding someone that works opposite hours than you so you never have to see them."

"Was the discovery of a new planet an accident? or did they planet"

"Interviewer asked me why I'd make a good waiter? Me: You could say I...bring a lot to the table."

"I make all my clothing choices based on what I would look like if I'm unexpectedly asked to bounce on a trampoline at some point in the day."

"In a philosophy class... Professor: Sometimes an idiot's question is too hard for even 10 geniuses to answer. One student pipes up: No wonder I fail my tests."

"They should probably have a feature that disables liking horrible statuses on Facebook. Last week 14 people liked that my friend's mom died. I mean, I know she was a bitch, but still."