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Joke of the Day

"Someone said I was racist because I misspelled pico de gallo. It's like they don't even know I misspell English words also..."

"I don't always roll a joint... But when I do, it's my ankle."

"What makes the noise of a cow when you turn it upside down? A cow."

"What does a terrorist tell hes son? Aim to the sky, maybe you'll shoot a plane."

"Apparently UFC is not Ultimate Fried Chicken and now I'm even hungrier watching huge greased up men touch each other inappropriately."

"My dog likes to sit down each evening and surf the Net. What an intelligent animal! Not really it took the cat three weeks to teach him."

"Me: So, what are your thoughts? Therapist: Well, I think you may have some boundary issues. Me: [In his lap] Are you saying I'm fat?!"

"I tied a rope and swallowed it I shit you knot!"

"Whenever It Rains, My Wife Just Stands At The Window Looking Kind Of Sad Maybe I Should Let Her In"

"My local steak house serves nothing but vegetarian bc cows are vegetarian"