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Joke of the Day

"Why do you need patience at the gym? Because there is a lot of weighting. *sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head."

"""Madame, I will have your finest package of gum, and money is no object."" how I impressed the hot cashier at the gas station just now"

"Stay away from a place called, ""Farm Fresh Restaurant"". I ordered the chicken soup. A rooster walked up and teabagged his ball$ in a hot bowl of water at my table."

"I saw a squirrel pooping the other day. Shit's Nuts..."

"What's the best thing about dark humor? People don't take it lightly."

"I hate church I hated church when I was a child, with all the standing and kneeling and sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and fuck me."

"I may eat animals, but at least I wait until they're DEAD. Plants are ALIVE, vegans. You disgust me."

"I am feeling very optimistic. But I bet it won't last."

"Women are like swimming pools... ...both are too expensive for the time you spend inside..."

"What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit? An astronut."