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Joke of the Day

"yells ""PARKOUR"" then strokes a dog the wrong way, the camera zooms in on the dogs face, he portrays mild annoyance"

"What do you call a white girl who can run faster than her brothers? A redneck virgin."

"Why should you never eat Sonic the Hedgehog? He gives your underwear blue streaks."

"It sounds like the dog's nails need trimming. Either that or she's off in the distance, typing, ""It was a dark and stormy night."""

"ENTRY LEVEL JOB OPENING: Hiring recent college grads REQUIREMENTS: 5 years of experience, 6 Olympic gold medals, and superpowers."

"Why couldn't Miss Piggy count to 100? Because when she got to 69, there was a frog in her throat."

"I tried to make my racing snail faster by taking off its shell But that just made it more sluggish"

"Is the subscribed to r/jokes number a joke? I laughed but still. I find it unlikely that a quarter billion people subscribed to r/jokes"

"If being a disappointment were an Olympic sport.... I could win the gold, have my father present the medal to me, and it still wouldn't be enough for him to be proud of me."

"I root against my college football team. That place put me $80,000 in debt. It'd be like rooting for the bank that holds your mortgage."