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Joke of the Day

"A haunted house would be pretty scary if it was filled with light switches that accidentally turned on the garbage disposal."

"I can control sheep by just listening to them It's true, I heard them with my own ears"

"What's an SJW's favorite JRPG? Chrono Triggered."

"Everyone has these expansive bucket lists Mine is a little pail in comparison"

"Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we should go out sometime Me flirting: So do you like bread"

"Finding Nemo 2? I swear, if that kid gets lost again Finding Nemo 3 better be where child services locks the dad up for extreme negligence."

"Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child: ""No son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible but I like your thinking""."

"I used to be in a band called The Prevention We hoped people would say we were better than The Cure."

"""Ok last interview question. Biggest weakness?"" ""People say I'm too hospitable."" ""I see. So should I stop sitting on your lap?"" ""Your call."""

"What do you call an alligator who's wearing a vest? An investigator."