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Joke of the Day

"Look, if you can take a smoke break, I should be able to take a twitter break. It's not like one addiction outweighs the other, HR!"

"If your kid complains about how bored they are during winter break put a cape on them and say, ""Now you're super bored!"" and then fly away."

"Do you even know what patronizing means?"

"There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, hoping that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did."

"Your wife is locked out at the front door yelling at you and your dog is barking at the back door to be let in. Which do you let in first? Your dog, because it'll stop barking once you let it in."

"What do you call a well-behaved Indian takeaway? A proppadom"

"When I was a teenager, I tried to throw out all my boardgames... My parents were mad that I was throwing my Life away."

"Why was the computer stressed out when it got home? Because it had a hard drive."

"Why was the cannibal expelled from school? Because he kept buttering up the teacher."

"What's the difference between weed and pussy? If you can smell weed across the room, that means its good."