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Joke of the Day

"How do you make holy water from just plain water? You boil the hell out of it."

"I told my girlfriend two sentences ""We need to buy a new car."" ""I am thinking about taking a break."" She started crying. I mean, she could have just said she didn't like that type of cars."

"I'm having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it's mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner."

"What is the difference between you and school tomorrow? I'm not going to come into school tomorrow."

"Never refer to a woman as a bitch. Instead, refer to her as beautiful. Bitches love being called beautiful."

"Want to hear the one about my penis..? You wouldn't get it... It's too long."

"I'm not flirting with you. I'm just nice. Get over yourself. Except you. You get under me."

"Me: That guy is a bad apple. 6-year-old: He's a person. Me: I just meant he's mean. 6: Probably because you called him an apple."

"What's Invisible and Smells Like Mice? Cat Farts..."

"What do you call a Mexican knockoff burger restaurant? Carlos Jr."