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Joke of the Day

"Why do the Scots wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away."

"How many passive-aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark..."

"My 2 year old woke up. 5 minutes of ""Mommy!"" 5 minutes of ""Mommy?"" Said ""Daddy?"" one time & my wife said, ""You should go check on her""."

"It's that time of the month for robots iPads"

"Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because a semi truck hit her."

"I have been living with a beautiful girl for the last 2 months. Last week she found out.."

"Wife: ""If I die first, I want you to remarry."" Me: ""Wow. Do you really hate me that much?"""

"What starts with e, ends with e, and has a letter in it. envelope"

"Dry January is going really well. Even if everyone keeps saying that I need to shower."

"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!"