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Joke of the Day

"I painted my computer black so it would run faster but now it doesn't work."

"Why was the astronaut so sore? He had a buildup of ga-lactic acid."

"Two toilets go to a potty lol"

"My fridge is so empty, I just saw a fly in my kitchen wearing a pastry apron, kneading dough and mumbling ""He doesn't even buy bread."""

"Me: When does karaoke start? Him: Never. Me: But I put my ""I ? Karaoke"" t-shirt on. Him: We noticed. Me: This is the worst funeral ever."

"My girlfriend was asked to step aside and frisked at the airport for resembling a Friends character. I think she was a victim of Rachel profiling."

"Did you hear about the chronic binger who was allergic to his food? He bit off more than he *katchoo!*"

"[NSFW] My priest told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked, ""Why?"" He told me, ""The confessional is getting all sticky."""

"There was once a doctor who tried to prove that mainly blood was kept in bones, But alas it twas in vein."

"The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing"