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Joke of the Day

"[picking out a washing machine] how many watermelons can this hold? ""uhh I dunno, 11?"" only 11? *keeps walking to next one* how many waterme"

"What do you call a black jew? Overcooked"

"Sometimes I feel like Valentine's Day was invented by a guy who had way too many chocolate covered strawberries."

"I broke my finger today But on the other hand im fine"

"What's green, fuzzy, has four legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree and landed on you? A pool table"

"Just saw the book ""Marriage for Dummies."" Shouldn't there be an ""is"" in there somewhere?"

"That voice inside my head has a different accent every time I read a new tweet"

"The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck."

"*coughs like a maniac* *pretends to pick nose* *scratches armpit* Things I will do on the bus so no one will sit next to me."

"How do Jewish turtles greet each other? Shellom."