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Joke of the Day

"My wife yelled, ""This is the LAST TIME I'm going to tell you to take out the trash"", and I thought, thank goodness THAT is finally over."

"My parents won't say which of their six kids they love the best, but they have told me I finished just out of the top five."

"For every selfie you take, the universe throws another rock at our planet."

"It Looks Like a Booger But it's SNOT!"

"Shark Week is just another made up holiday to sell more sharks"

"Wet T-shirt contestant asks former contest winner: Any pointers?"

"What do you call two pears? A pair."

"What did the turkey say to the goat? The turkey said gobble, gobble, gobble. The goat said back abdul akbar before blowing up."

"Have you read the autobiography of the guy with two functioning penises? I don't know, I thought he came across as two cocky."

"""Say no to Lindsay Lohan"" - Drugs"