126379

Joke of the Day

"*puts message in a bottle *stares longingly out at sea and throws it in *gets tazed and arrested for littering"

"I don't care about following a 'funny' celebrity from tv on Twitter-instead I look up who writes for their show then follow that person."

"How many blondes does it take to... How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? 5... 1 to hold the bulb and 4 to spin the chair"

"[Fitbit commercial with me] BEFORE: lazy guy AFTER: lazy guy who had $129"

"How do you pick up a jewish girl With a broom and dustpan"

"I just saw Madonna climb out of a hollowed out tree trunk in the woods near my house."

"What Does a Man With a 12 Inch Cock Have For Breakfast? This morning I had a boiled egg."

"What's The Difference Between Donald Trump and a Bucket of Shit? The Bucket!"

"I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help."

"What's a bear without an ear? A b"