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Joke of the Day

"I loved John Hurt so much... that I'm not even going to make the joke that my heart John Hurts right now. Even though it would make me feel better."

"Somebody asked Hillary Clinton if she would be going to see 13 hours... She said no, she had already slept through that one."

"I'm in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend is in the future."

"The worst thing about pedophiles is... ...they're all fucking immature assholes."

"What would you call a supervillain that could control every part of the electro-magnetic spectrum except 495-570 nm? Magento"

"Joke What is a bed's motto"

"Christmas these days is a lot like having sex The build up is great but when it finally comes, I regret spending all that money."

"There is a chair The chair walk, with shoes! La-la-la-la-la! It walk on the street. The chair is walking."

"Knock knock *Who's there?* Who. *To who?* (cough, straighten collar) To WHOM..."

"Sinead O'Connor has been found safe... She'd been missing for 7 hours and 15 days."