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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I miss having an appendix.. [removed]"

"Referenced my previous girlfriend in an academic paper It was very ex-citing"

"""Why do people get plastic surgery? Why can't you just admit that it's over? Stop trying to look fuckable in your 50's."" @MaleHonesty86"

"What do you call a potato shaped like a penis? A dictator."

"I asked my buddy if he wanted me to feed his dog real quick before we left He said back to me, ""Nah, fuck it."" I don't know why he tried kicking my ass, I was just doing what he said."

"There's a gang going through our town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order ... The police believe they're still at large."

"Nothing cuts deeper than an insult with bad grammar and a spelling mistake."

"Did you here about the guy who's whole left side was cut off? He's all right now."

"Witch: Doctor I can't help pulling ugly faces. Doctor: Well there's nothing terrible about that. Witch: It is when the people with ugly faces don't like them being pulled."

"My liberal friend decided to go to a Republican rally and got his ass kicked. He's all right now."