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Joke of the Day

"What did Abe Lincoln say after a three day drinking binge? ""Wait... I freed ***WHO***?!?!?"""

"Me: can I have a few extra days off over Christmas Boss: it's May Me: sorry, may I have a few extra days off over Christmas"

"Doctor Doctor I think I'm a python You can't get round me just like that you know!"

"If I get nervous for a date, I just imagine the guy in his underpants, sitting on my couch for the next 40 years, & suddenly I'm annoyed"

"Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children."

"Why can't Bane play baseball? He always breaks the bat."

"How can you tell that the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky? Because it is not called a teethbrush."

"What do you call a sleeping pizza? a *piZZZa* haha someone pls date me"

"What do you call a handjob from a rocket scientist? A stroke of genius."

"Made alphabet soup for a friend The next day he came to me holding his stomach. I asked him what was wrong. He said that the soup gave him a ""vowel"" movement!"