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Joke of the Day

"So you need Andy Reid to take you to the airport for an international flight... lol you didn't learn anything from 2004?"

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"I've got a bag full of stick figure stickers, and when I see an SUV I add random dudes to their families."
"Why does the Coast Guard have ultraviolet lights? To help them find missing sea men."
"A man called Knock Knock knocks on a door: Knock Knock. Who's there? Knock. Knock who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Knock. Knock who? ..."
"""Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you've been wearing the same outfit all week is you"" - my fashion blog"
"Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, ""How do you drive this?"""
"A dog with a cowboy hat, spurs and a cigar limps in through the swinging doors of a saloon... ...He says, ""I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"""
"I now know I drink too much. I walked out on my deck and swear I heard a mosquito yell out to his all his friends that the bar just opened."
"What did Mark Antony say to Van Gogh? Lend me your ears"
"To my followers in Florida in the path of the hurricane: Remember to keep your phone charged. These tweets don't ""like"" themselves."
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