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Joke of the Day

"A priest and a rabbi walk into congress Te priest turns to his friend and says ""is this some kind of joke?"""

"Where do the elements go to church? At the Atomic Mass!!"

"2016 is like... A 30 second ad on YouTube that you can't skip"

"I once had a girlfriend who had a lazy eye... I had to dump her because she was seeing other people."

"Have you heard of the gay Irish couple? Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael"

"Pretty sure the ""FINISH HIM"" guy from Mortal Kombat is giving relationship advice to every girl I date."

"One guy says to another Guy 1: Dude one time I stuck my dick in a brownie Guy 2: Bro that's just wrong Guy 1: Yeah, I know. You can do time for statutory."

"The homeless problem would be solved if. . . . . the Big Issue had tits in it."

"Just said, ""Sorry, I have to go,"" out loud to my computer."

"[gazes up at moons] [that's right in this tweet there's several moons] [girl kisses me] [that's right in this tweet I am not human garbage]"