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Joke of the Day

"HER: I'd invite you in, but I never kill on a first date ME: kill? HER: haha I meant kiss stupid autocorrect ME: we are talking out loud"

"These days you can't even say ''black paint'' anymore You have to politely ask, ""Tyrone, will you please paint the wall?"""

"Do the right thing today: Go to someone's profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something."

"A Mexican went into a Japanese restaurant and ordered but only to be disappointed when he was served with a live Octopus slammed in his plate. He asked for a taco."

"Did you hear about that new movie about Hitler? It's called 2fast2furherious."

"My career as a baseball catcher was cut short because I insisted on kissing the ball every time before I threw it back to the pitcher."

"I cooked for my fiancee's parents for the first time As I handed out the rarely cooked steak Harry (her father) said, ""I like it well done."" I said, ""Thanks, that means a lot."""

"Do all Toyota Priuses come with Obama '08 stickers already on them?"

"Why dont bicycles pedal backwards??? Because than it would be REcycling"

"Four 6 year old girls playing quietly at 7am is called a horde of elephants having a foot race."