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Joke of the Day

"OUCH I HAVE A FOOT CRAMP You're dehydrated [Walks on toes] Drink some water [Crawls on knees] Drink water [Lays on floor] Water- [Dies]"

"When driving: *shakes fist at pedestrians* When walking: *shakes fist at motorists* When running: *shakes fist at the murderer chasing me*"

"When do clocks die?When their time is up."

"What's the difference between a Mexican and a notebook? A notebook has papers. -I'll see myself out now"

"What's the best part about sex with a pregnant woman? Getting head at the same time."

"ant-man: im here to stop u bad guy: [pulls out a can of Raid] ant-man: motherf"

"What's the most poular Christmas carol in the desert? Oh caaamel ye faithful."

"Two cannibals are having a chat... ""I've become a vegetarian you know."" ""But I just saw you eat that man!"" ""He was a Swede"""

"A midget went to visit the doctors There was a long wait and the nurse said ""you're going to have to be a little patient"""

"My wife gave birth to twin boys the other day. And I've decided to name them Jerry and Forgery."